In order to establish family relationships, as well as for the criticizing opponent to "receive" in full, psychological aikido will be useful to you.
The idea of psychological aikido is outlined in the book of the same name (and many other works by this author) by Mikhail Litvak, one of the most famous psychotherapists in Russia.
The very annotation to the book "Psychological Aikido" sounds like this: "Happy! Don't buy this book. You are already good aikido fighters. The owners of "second happiness" - impudence should not do this either. It is written for patients with neuroses and psychosomatic diseases (hypertension, gastric ulcer, myocardial infarction, gastritis, colitis, dermatitis, bronchial asthma, etc.), who suffer from them due to inability to communicate. It contains recommendations on how to tame overly strong-willed bosses, how to find contact with children, mother-in-law or mother-in-law, how to win a business dispute without wasting your spiritual energy. Therefore, I think that it will be useful to delicate smart people suffering from the surrounding rudeness, who have not yet become ill. In it will find useful advice leaders, managers and those who want to become one. The book will be able to help establish family relationships, raise children, achieve success in the chosen business "(in this case, the author uses another method discovered by him - the" principle of the sperm "- in order to achieve something from a person - tell him to no matter what, he did not do it, for nothing, under any pretext: “Just don’t throw me into the thorn bush!” After which it should be added that although it is not necessary to do this, it still could be useful for someone else. The author writes more about this method in his book "The Sperm Principle").
In short, the essence of psychological aikido is the same as the essence of ordinary aikido, namely, to use his own strength against the opponent. The "founder" of the method of psychological aikido can be considered the brave soldier Schweik, who, as you know, did not respond to insults from those who offended him, but … agreed with them. “Schweik, you are an idiot!” They said to him. And he immediately answered: "Yes, I'm an idiot!" - and remained the absolute winner in the verbal "battle" from the very first second.
It would seem absurd! We are used to responding with blow to blow at all costs (well, or, at least, to take a masochistic position: "hit on the left cheek - substitute the right one", which means to endure silently, without answering anything, reveling deep in our souls with our " nobility "and sacrifice). In response to insults, defense mechanisms are unconsciously triggered in us: "You are a fool!" Most people cannot even imagine what the stupidest situation your offender will be in if, in response to his insult, you simply calmly agree with him. After all, this is exactly what he does not expect from you, he is tuned in to further "battle", and it is unlikely that there is anything to respond to your consent. Probably, he will remain standing with his mouth open, boiling with rage (after all, you returned him his own aggression!). There is no need to talk about what kind of jubilation you will feel at the same time, from the heart enjoying his powerlessness. Imagine a dialogue like this:
- When will you learn to park? What a fool you are!
“You’re right, I’ll never learn to park because I’m a fool.
You can also add: “And not just a fool, but the most stupid dumbass. But you are just clever, so clever! " (This is called "super-aikido", when the opponent is not only returned what has been said, but also "helped" to get what has not yet been said).Of course, all this must be said in a calm, even voice, looking directly into the eyes of the interlocutor, and not boiling with anger, sarcasm, etc. After all, it is important not only what we say, but also how. Your anger, resentment or accentuated sarcasm will only give your offender a trump card - he will understand that he has hurt you, and aikido will stop working.
Another plus of this completely fail-safe method is that, in addition to everything, it allows you to extinguish the conflict at the root. Even if your opponent, out of habit, repeats his attempt to insult him, he will dry up very quickly, and you, as you probably already guessed, will get the more pleasure the longer this subject tries to prick you.
But here we will stop and say - the method of psychological aikido in relations between spouses and other close people should be applied only as a last resort, when it is no longer possible to solve the constant sawing, reproaches or insults in another way, since this method nevertheless assumes that you distance yourself from the abuser and do not take his criticism seriously. If you constantly get away from family problems with the help of aikido, you can, in the end, distance yourself from each other forever. Before that, it is still worth trying to experience at least the pronunciation of feelings and the search for a constructive solution, which we talked about last time.