Several years ago, there was a buzz in the press about the case of Snezhana Pavlovic from Belgrade, who was admitted to a psychiatric hospital after her Facebook post did not arouse the interest of her friends. The doctors called this case "Snezhana's syndrome."
Love and hate
Using Facebook as an example, Western researchers have found that social networks make a person envy and hate their friends. But let's figure it out: who are the “friends” on the social network? As a rule, these are several really close people and the overwhelming majority of classmates with whom they have not seen for ten years, old acquaintances, casual fellow travelers, professional contacts, or even completely strangers. After all, social networks are needed not only and not so much for communication, but in order not to lose the list of contacts with whom you can conveniently and quickly contact. A person can sincerely rejoice at the success of real friends, but the achievements of unfamiliar people - even if he never admits it - can cause envy, and with it sadness, longing and hatred.
Contrary to the harsh social stereotype, envy is an absolutely natural and in many cases even useful (for the most envious) feeling, which appeared, as you know, long before the advent of the Internet. Envy and hatred for someone else's success have always been, they just did not catch the eye, because in relations with close friends these feelings do not manifest themselves too much, or even do not manifest themselves at all, and people simply did not know anything about the successes of unfamiliar people around. According to Kirill Sharkov, a psychotherapist, author and presenter of the Psychotherapy in Russia media magazine, social networks have simply exposed our reality.
According to the results of research in 2010, Russians rank second in the world (and according to some studies, first) in terms of attendance of various social networks. This is not about the number of visits to sites, but, first of all, about the amount of time people spend on social networks. Research shows that for Russian people, online life and belonging to social networks are more important than for Western inhabitants of the Web. Russian users were also the most "developed" in terms of unbridled rudeness and obscenity.
Magic "likes": self-esteem for one-two-three
However, social networks are, of course, a way not only to "lower" their own importance, but also to increase it. Thanks to social networks, everyone has the opportunity, at least in the virtual world, to feel like a star or, for example, a president, to look smarter thanks to “stolen” statuses or peeped in philosophical quotes. Of course, this “opportunity” is not used by everyone, but, as a rule, by young people or people with immature identities.
Social networks are generally designed to replenish what a person lacks in everyday life, be it self-satisfaction, communication or information. Someone posts on social networks just to share their thoughts, while someone else is interested in the reaction of other people to these thoughts - comments and "likes" (we are not talking about those who create pages on social networks for a commercial purpose goes). And if it is not there, people with the so-called narcissistic personality may have problems. True, the point here is not only in the personality, but also in the modern world itself, which psychologists also call narcissistic.
What is the priority of today's person? Of course, success and achievements. The stereotype that everyone should certainly be successful, rich and “realized” is imposed on modern society both directly and indirectly (using “heroes of our time,” such as Steve Jobs, etc.).). And few people are able to resist the temptation to think not "like everyone else." Add personal narcissistic childhood traumas to this social fashion and you have the world of Snezhan Pavlovich.
What does a narcissistic personality need? Since she internally suffers deeply from self-doubt and lack of self-esteem, she needs external attributes that would prove that she is successful, popular and significant. One of these attributes today is a visited page, an abundance of "likes" or a blog in social networks.
“There are no actions that have nothing to do with processes in the personal or collective unconscious,” says Lyubov Zayeva, a psychoanalyst and specialist of the European Confederation of Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy. - For example, the worldwide craze for selfies and social networks is the result of a general hidden desire to fill the deficit in self-esteem, the regulation of a certain narcissistic balance. You can create your own community and fill this basic need for recognition, acceptance. After all, if they notice me, they mark me, then I am, everything is in order with me, I am recognized as my mini-society. Therefore, social media can reduce anxiety about self-importance (as well as increase it). Social media is largely based on the need for people to value themselves and others. That is why “like” is not only a means of evaluating photos and posts, but also a way of regulating self-esteem.
Creating yourself
In addition to increasing self-esteem, social networks and various video hosting sites, such as YouTube, help a person, in fact, build their own identity through the formation of their profile, an incessant story about themselves. The story is told through videos, posts, music, comments, notes, photos, statuses, etc. Creating an image of himself, a person at the same time cognizes himself: I like these groups, I am interested in this, I adhere to such and such views …
"It's me. Look at me, try to understand and hear me,”the person“says”to society. Therefore, social networks are also an attempt to be heard and understood through a series of endless self-presentations in which other users participate; it is also conducting a dialogue with those who are “friendly” and with those against whom they are friends.
Strange as it may seem, it also helps to build one's own identity by playing with various fictitious nicknames. For adolescents, for example, such a game of "someone" helps to better understand themselves, their needs and demands. True, the main thing here is that this "training" does not replace reality.
Today's widespread desire of many to become a "journalist" is caused precisely by the passion for blogging, which for some reason is confused with journalism. The epidemic of "writing" that has swept the country, according to psychologists, is caused by the same unsatisfied need to draw attention to oneself and make oneself known. However, there is a big plus in the graphomania of modern society: experts agree that modern bloggers “write life” - without embellishments and fantasies, in the simple language of documentary filmmaking. Perhaps thanks to them, it will be easier for our descendants to understand what our modernity was like.
Loneliness on the web
The title of the popular novel by Janusz Leon Wisniewski accurately reflects another facet of the modern world. More and more people feel isolated from society: people stop communicating in reality and go to virtual, many today work on the Internet and even start “relationships” there. This trend is especially noticeable in large cities. Of course, among other things, social networks are also needed for a simple exchange of information, this is an opportunity to get in touch with its diversity, to be aware of all the main events taking place both in the big world and in the small world of the "friend zone" - and also to create your little events, meet new people around the world and expand professional contacts.
On the one hand, the Internet and social networks gave rise to loneliness, on the other, they also became a kind of cure for it, giving rise to a surrogate for real communication between people. Even Robinson, if he had access to the World Wide Web on his island, would feel, though not completely, but included in this world. The famous psychotherapist Mark Sandomirsky generally considers social networks to be a form of "folk psychotherapy" - both from loneliness and from low self-esteem.
But according to Kirill Sharkov, social networks can be both a medicine and a poison. It's all about the dose. The same love relationship in virtual saves a person from many fears and anxieties: how will he / she rate me? do i look good? will I meet her / his expectations in bed? etc. But no emoticons, of course, can replace a living person: the warmth of his hands, eyes, smiles, touches, etc. If social networks complement live communication, this is good, worse if they begin to replace it.
Lighter and safer
Social networks give a feeling of safe communication, so they are filled with rudeness and trolling. However, there is also a benefit in them: they provide an opportunity for notorious people, disabled people, those who find themselves in a difficult life situation, to feel not only more confident, but also to find the same as themselves.
“Thanks to network communication, the communicative deficit is overcome, a wide circle of contacts is formed, awareness of the issues discussed is increased; psychological experience expands, social competence develops, the ability to exchange situational emotional states and moods, means of protection against gross manipulative influences are developed, the desire to stand out from the crowd is realized, as well as the desire to join a reference group, share group values and feel protected, there is an opportunity to compensate real or imaginary flaws in appearance, speech, some character traits (for example, shyness) or psychological illnesses (for example, autism), - writes Tamila Sadigova, a doctoral student at the Department of Psychology of the Azerbaijan University of Languages, in her article "Socio-psychological functions of social networks". - Anonymity encourages a game with personal self-presentation and provides an opportunity to manage the impression of oneself, "escape from one's own body", promotes psychological emancipation, abnormality, the manifestation of greater freedom of speech and action, the playing of roles and scenarios that are unrealizable in reality outside the network, unlimited by social norms, ".
Internet addiction
This term has long been used by psychotherapists around the world. Despite the convenience and benefits of the Internet, and with it social networks, both the first and the second carry harm, for some it is fateful. The biggest treasure that we lose while surfing the Internet is our time. How to limit it, bringing it to reasonable limits?
Psychotherapist Kirill Sharkov advises: first of all, you need to record the hours that you spend on the Internet every day. When it comes to a teenager, parents can take on this role. At the same time, one should not forbid the child to surf the Internet: this will not bring results, but will only increase his desire to taste the "forbidden fruit". The form of filing should not be controlling, edifying, suppressive. Suffice it to state the fact: "Today you spent a total of five hours on the Internet."It is helpful for an adult to simply record the number of hours they have spent on the Internet each day. After a certain amount of time has passed, it is worth asking yourself: what exactly did I spend this time on? what did it give me? what goals did I pursue?
Often the Internet serves as a departure from reality for those who, for some reason, do not satisfy this very reality. Try to track at what moment you turn on the computer or pick up your smartphone, what thoughts or feelings precede this. Try to answer yourself the question: what would you do if there were no Internet and social networks in your life? what would you do? how would you feel? would you be happy or unhappy? By answering these questions, you will understand what you are depriving yourself of.